Good news! Today’s retrieval was successful! After waiting in the waiting room for about an hour and a half Dr. Supreea came out to tell me the good news, “The retrieval was successful!” She said that Gregg was still sleeping and that they had not been able to tell him yet about the success. They did try to aspirate the main tube, but that did not work. So they moved on to using the needle for tissue recovery. They later told us that they have 12 tubes of tissue recovered. They found enough sperm to have big smiles on their faces. It was fun to see how excited they were for us. They will freeze what they have and defrost them on the day of my egg retrieval. If they are still mobile, or at least enough of them are, then they will use those. If not, they will do surgery again that day. We will wait on the Lord to see if that has to happen or not.
This hospital experience was very interesting, in a good way. Things are definitely different here. Everything went so much quicker. When we got to the hospital we only had to fill out a half sheet of paper! They took Gregg’s weight, blood pressure, and oxygen level right at the desk in the waiting room. Then they took us up to the operating room. I sat right outside to wait. After changing into a gown, well more like a robe, Gregg proceeded to the OR room where he was to have the procedure. He later told me that the room was cleaner then most the O.R.’s he’s seen in the states.
While I was waiting for Gregg to come out I was trying not to think about what they were doing to poor Gregg. I tried to pray prayers of thankfulness based on truth. To be honest, in my own mind I think that if we were never able to have kids, that would be the most glorifying to God. You know that classic woman getting up to speak about her immense desire to have children and they way that God healed her heart. But I can say truthfully that there has been an amazing thing that has happened in my heart. I am truly thankful for our infertility. It has brought us so close to God. I really have come to focus on the fact that this life is so small, so short. And that in relation to eternity, this time is nothing but a speck.
God created us for His pleasure and His glory! The time we have here is for “gathering glory” or storing up treasures in heaven to the glory of God. When I get to heaven i want as many of my thoughts and actions from here on earth to have brought him glory. I want my actions and thoughts that please Him because this is what He created me for. It is the reason I exist!
Revelation 4:11 “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.”
This perspective has truly given me the peace that passes all human understanding. As a matter of fact when Gregg and I were going to the hospital this morning, it was like we were all alone in this surreal moment. God was so in charge, it was almost fun just being in Him.
If God’s plan is for us to never have kids, I rest in that. And not only do I rest in it, I have joy in that! God is so so amazing! He knows I’ve wanted kids more then anything, he knows we still want a family, he knows we are here in Thailand. He is so intimately here with us, teaching us, loving us. LOVING US! He does! Oh man!!! I am so excited about what God is doing in our lives. So sorry for the rambling, but I just want to scream from the roof tops how amazing God is. Not that he gave us sperm today, although that is also very exciting, but that he loves us enough to teach us and guide us! I pray that God brings things into your life that bring you to these understandings more then you have now. God knows how and what we need to grow, infertility was ours, I don’t know what God is going to use in your life, but keep a look out. He is working.
I don’t know if you are following my ramblings, but basically what i am saying is, “I choose infertility.” If I had to choose between having kids and learning what I have been learning about God through this journey of infertility… “I choose infertility!” I choose knowing God more intimately! Like when Job said:
Job 42 : 5 “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.”
He had heard about God, but now he knew Him more intimately! I understand more what he meant. It came through suffering.