I am not saying that what we have already done through has not been hard, it has. It has been one of the hardest thing that has come into my life. Ever since I was a very little girl all I wanted when I grew up was to get married and have babies. Of course the whole getting married thing was so that I could have babies. If I could have had babies as a young girl while i was still living with the best parents ever, I would have. I remember a moment when I was driving by our church and I watched a family cross the street I thought “Because I want that so bad, I probably wont”. At that point I did not realize that that “curse” is exactly how God wanted to show me His love for me.
As I think back about 2 years ago to a moment with my mom on my back porch I am overwhelmed with thankfulness to our loving Father. I stood on the back porch talking to my mom about the phone call that we had received from the Dr. just a few nights before. I was telling her that I could not wait until I was holding my child in my arms and I could look back on this moment we were in. I knew that we would come out of this victorious with Christ, I just wanted to be there, now.
We are definitely closer to holding our baby in our arms, and I believe we have been victorious. But I also know that we are about to enter into one of the hardest parts of this journey. On Sunday at 10:20 I will walk into the hospital as a wife, I will leave with 3 lives within my own. My dream is so close. This is where I will have to lean on Him like I have never before. I know that in my human mind every bump, every pain, every stress, every time I get off of a chair, I will be tempted to worry about the lives that are in me. Are they OK? Are they still there? Will this cause me to loose them? One of them? Should I not travel? Should I wait for months to come home? Should I pay for first class so that I can lay down on the long flight? Should I drink more water? Should I eat more fruit? Should I be around this many people? What can I do to make this dream happen???
What a sad place to let my mind go. There is no peace in that. I am resting in Him. I know it is going to be a struggle, but I will do what I can and He will do the rest. What a wonderful God we have. He loves me and our babies more than I do. More than I can ever imagine. This is the same love that He had for me when he gave me this trial.
“Thank you Father for loving me so much. For your goodness. For your Power. Thank you that I can rest in you. I know that if you want us to have babies, you will give us babies. There is nothing I can do to stop that. Thank you for helping me rest this responsibility on you and your strong shoulders. Thank you for loving me enough to give us infertility. Thank you for friends and family who speak truth to us. Thank you for your word. Thank you for this rest that passes all human understanding. I love you. I love you. I love you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Amen”
I loved the scripture that my sister sent to me all the way from Africa. What a reminder of God’s power.
Genesis 1 The Account of Creation 1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.[a] 2 The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. 3 The…n God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 And God saw that the light was good. Then he separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light “day” and the darkness “night.” And evening passed and morning came, marking the first day. 6 Then God said, “Let there be a space between the waters, to separate the waters of the heavens from the waters of the earth.” 7 And that is what happened. God made this space to separate the waters of the earth from the waters of the heavens. 8 God called the space “sky.” And evening passed and morning came, marking the second day. 9 Then God said, “Let the waters beneath the sky flow together into one place, so dry ground may appear.” And that is what happened. 10 God called the dry ground “land” and the waters “seas.” And God saw that it was good. 11 Then God said, “Let the land sprout with vegetation—every sort of seed-bearing plant, and trees that grow seed-bearing fruit. These seeds will then produce the kinds of plants and trees from which they came.” And that is what happened. 12 The land produced vegetation—all sorts of seed-bearing plants, and trees with seed-bearing fruit. Their seeds produced plants and trees of the same kind. And God saw that it was good. 13 And evening passed and morning came, marking the third day. 14 Then God said, “Let lights appear in the sky to separate the day from the night. Let them mark off the seasons, days, and years. 15 Let these lights in the sky shine down on the earth.” And that is what happened. 16 God made two great lights—the larger one to govern the day, and the smaller one to govern the night. He also made the stars. 17 God set these lights in the sky to light the earth, 18 to govern the day and night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good. 19 And evening passed and morning came, marking the fourth day. 20 Then God said, “Let the waters swarm with fish and other life. Let the skies be filled with birds of every kind.” 21 So God created great sea creatures and every living thing that scurries and swarms in the water, and every sort of bird—each producing offspring of the same kind. And God saw that it was good. 22 Then God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply. Let the fish fill the seas, and let the birds multiply on the earth.” 23 And evening passed and morning came, marking the fifth day. 24 Then God said, “Let the earth produce every sort of animal, each producing offspring of the same kind—livestock, small animals that scurry along the ground, and wild animals.” And that is what happened. 25 God made all sorts of wild animals, livestock, and small animals, each able to produce offspring of the same kind. And God saw that it was good. 26 Then God said, “Let us make human beings[b] in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” 27 So God created human beings[c] in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.” 29 Then God said, “Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food.30 And I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, and the small animals that scurry along the ground—everything that has life.” And that is what happened. 31 Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day.
There are so many scriptures that have spoken to me in very specific times. Is there a verse that God sent it to you at a specific time to keep your mind steadfast? Please share it with us. It is the purest form of encouragement I know.
Thank you for letting me share my heart with you. -Kathleen