Our runt.

Today has been one of the weirdest days of my lives. Their are so many thoughts running through my head it is almost impossible to keep track of them. The first thought is of our Father in Heaven who is with me here on earth. I love that he completely understands everything that I am going through. I love that I know He is not in Heaven wondering what to do. He is not pacing back in forth. He is with me now, but my side, holding me, loving me, caring for me. I love that. What an amazing comfort he is during this time.

Then there is the thought of the loss of our dream of a normal pregnancy. This pregnancy is anything but normal. Even my first appointment was not what I expected seeing that I got our first concerning news about the hCG numbers. As I sit here I am seeing that some pregnancy symptoms are now non existent. I am not feeling pregnant.

At the same time the realization that I am still pregnant. I have no symptoms of a miscarriage. I had to come to the decision that I would do everything in my human power to give out little “runt” everything that it needs to fight this fight. And with God  this life could  flourish no matter what the doctors think or are expecting. So then I am excited about the fact that I am still pregnant! I still have life in me! Our little bubble is still with us.

But then I am hit with the reality that there is a real fight here. A fight for life, and a fight for faith. A fight to keep my mind on things that are pure and lovely.  I definitely have swollen eyes and a tired mind. What a time that God is taking us through. What a time to draw closer to Him. I am so thankful that I am not fighting these battles alone, I have a family and a husband who is right here to fight with me. And best of all I have our Conqueror who is fighting along side me with weapons that out shadow anything that the enemy could possibly bring. The main battle being waged is on our mind. The battle in my head is going strong, but we are defeating the enemy!  I am focusing on Truth and that is a battle being won.

Please continue to pray with us that we would continue to win the battle that wages in our thoughts. Please pray that our example of Christ would shine bright during this time. We are only here on earth for a short time and we want it to be all to the Glory of the one we love.

Thank you for your prayers, Kathleen

Matthew 11: 28-30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentleI and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Some times our burden is heavy, but with Christ it can me made light.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Our runt.

  1. Laura

    This really is a strange time in the life of a woman. I’ve been there, I know. Mark was out of town when I learned that I would probably miscarry. It was hard but I chose to go it alone and let him remain in his meetings. The Lord was so gracious to me then; I know He will do the same for you during this strange time. I am still praying for babies (I’m selfish), but ultimately I am praying for His good and perfect will. I know that He has great plans for you. He’s trustworthy in that way. May He continue to give you peace during this time and the ability to keep trusting Him without wavering. We love you guys and will continue praying.

  2. Linda Rosengren

    Yes, I will pray with you, and pray for your little bubble/s. Isn’t it awesome to realize that God loves those little bubbles just as much as He loves each one of us? HUGS!

  3. Catherine Heyres

    This is a hard journey and it is very hard to be in a time of uncertainty. Before we had Natasha I had a “missed miscarriage”–it was a very confusing thing because I had no miscarriage symptoms. I found out later that it is very common, people just don’t want to talk about it. I hope that is not what you are experiencing, but even it if is, please know that you still have very good reason to hope for a healthy baby in the future. I’m sure this is doubly difficult because of all you have gone through to get pregnant, but God is holding you through this and just asking you to rest, He can carry all of our burdens….

  4. LAura Cross

    Dearest Kathleen,
    I just unearthed a new treasure. In the book of John ,Jesus waited four days after hearing that Lazarus was sick before going to Mary and Martha. Of course the sisters were heartbroken and didn’t understand why the Lord didn’t come immediately. Ok so why did He wait? The Jewish people believed that the soul of the person who had died hung around for the three days. Only after the third day they had NO HOPE that Lazures would be healed. Jesus came to reveal Himself to them in away they could not imagine or comprehand unless they had gone through that suffering. God is good and as a result of that in John 11:45 we see that many came to believe in Jesus. I am so thankful we can trust in Lord not fully understanding but knowing He is doing a mighty work in us and even for those who do not know Him. ! peter 1:6-7
    Praying for you both and as Laura said for those precious babies. Eph 3:20-21

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