Today has been one of the weirdest days of my lives. Their are so many thoughts running through my head it is almost impossible to keep track of them. The first thought is of our Father in Heaven who is with me here on earth. I love that he completely understands everything that I am going through. I love that I know He is not in Heaven wondering what to do. He is not pacing back in forth. He is with me now, but my side, holding me, loving me, caring for me. I love that. What an amazing comfort he is during this time.
Then there is the thought of the loss of our dream of a normal pregnancy. This pregnancy is anything but normal. Even my first appointment was not what I expected seeing that I got our first concerning news about the hCG numbers. As I sit here I am seeing that some pregnancy symptoms are now non existent. I am not feeling pregnant.
At the same time the realization that I am still pregnant. I have no symptoms of a miscarriage. I had to come to the decision that I would do everything in my human power to give out little “runt” everything that it needs to fight this fight. And with God this life could flourish no matter what the doctors think or are expecting. So then I am excited about the fact that I am still pregnant! I still have life in me! Our little bubble is still with us.
But then I am hit with the reality that there is a real fight here. A fight for life, and a fight for faith. A fight to keep my mind on things that are pure and lovely. I definitely have swollen eyes and a tired mind. What a time that God is taking us through. What a time to draw closer to Him. I am so thankful that I am not fighting these battles alone, I have a family and a husband who is right here to fight with me. And best of all I have our Conqueror who is fighting along side me with weapons that out shadow anything that the enemy could possibly bring. The main battle being waged is on our mind. The battle in my head is going strong, but we are defeating the enemy! I am focusing on Truth and that is a battle being won.
Please continue to pray with us that we would continue to win the battle that wages in our thoughts. Please pray that our example of Christ would shine bright during this time. We are only here on earth for a short time and we want it to be all to the Glory of the one we love.
Thank you for your prayers, Kathleen