I have tried writing this post over 6 times. I think that after all that we went through early on in with my pregnancy with Mac and even just with going through the IVF process. Humanly I have no desire to return to this stage of life, but it comes with the territory. Spiritually, although hard, these times are sweet and are lifelong treasures.
This will be a time of great trials, a time of having to control my thoughts from straying into sad and lonely places. Having to fight the battle of believing lies. Even though I have the amazing power of God on my side and I have seen Him bring true joy and comfort in these times, they are still hard and painful at times.
There were a few verses that really helped me though the hard times before and I rely on them again. My favorite verse is for sure Philippians 4:4-9
4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is [c]near. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all [d]comprehension, willguard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is [e]lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, [f]dwell on these things. 9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
What amazing and powerful words from our loving father! These were all phrases that I repeated over and over again when I was laying on the bed waiting to meet my bubbles for the first time. It was the verses that brought comfort to my heart when we were told over and over again that were losing Mac. It was the verses that brought joy to my heart when I waited in the waiting room to hear a heart beat. And now they are the words that I hold dear as we prepare to meet our babies again.
My heart wants to almost hide away as I prepare for such trials. I want my body to be ready for my babies. I want to give them the best chance I possibly can. But I already feel tired as I prepare for the battle ahead. THe questions that come up in my thoughts. Are they all going to survive and be given the chance to come home to my womb? Will I get to meet my babies here on earth? Will I get to meet one? Is this activity going to risk my babies lives? Is this what God really wanted us to do?
I am so thankful that I have had practice taking my thoughts captive and replacing them with thoughts that are true and lovely. But it is still an exercise. A hard one. I am so glad that I have the Spirit to be with me in my thoughts and that He is there to give me strength.
This post may sound sad. I guess in a way it is. But what it really is is just the beginning of amazing and beautiful things that God has to offer to us in hard times. I am anxiously looking forward to sharing these with you. To God be the Glory Forever. Amen!