Fighting Battles

I have tried writing this post over 6 times. I think that after all that we went through early on in with my pregnancy with Mac and even just with going through the IVF process. Humanly I have no desire to return to this stage of life, but it comes with the territory. Spiritually, although hard, these times are sweet and are lifelong treasures.

This will be a time of great trials, a time of having to control my thoughts from straying into sad and lonely places. Having to fight the battle of believing lies. Even though I have the amazing power of God on my side and I have seen Him bring true joy and comfort in these times, they are still hard and painful at times.

This was me just after the transfer of my Bubbles including Maccabeus! A very solum moment.

There were a few verses that really helped me though the hard times before and I rely on them again. My favorite verse is for sure Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is [c]near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all [d]comprehension, willguard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is [e]lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, [f]dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

What amazing and powerful words from our loving father! These were all phrases that I repeated over and over again when I was laying on the bed waiting to meet my bubbles for the first time. It was the verses that brought comfort to my heart when we were told over and over again that were losing Mac. It was the verses that brought joy to my heart when I waited in the waiting room to hear a heart beat. And now they are the words that I hold dear as we prepare to meet our babies again.

My heart wants to almost hide away as I prepare for such trials. I want my body to be ready for my babies. I want to give them the best chance I possibly can. But I already feel tired as I prepare for the battle ahead. THe questions that come up in my thoughts. Are they all going to survive and be given the chance to come home to my womb? Will I get to meet my babies here on earth? Will I get to meet one? Is this activity going to risk my babies lives? Is this what God really wanted us to do?

I am so thankful that I have had practice taking my thoughts captive and replacing them with thoughts that are true and lovely. But it is still an exercise. A hard one. I am so glad that I have the Spirit to be with me in my thoughts and that He is there to give me strength.

This post may sound sad. I guess in a way it is. But what it really is is just the beginning of amazing and beautiful things that God has to offer to us in hard times. I am anxiously looking forward to sharing these with you. To God be the Glory Forever. Amen!

Maccabeus Hudson Bowcock. A real fighter!



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4 responses to “Fighting Battles

  1. Mom

    My heart is so touched by your love and faith for God. It strengthens mine. Thank you for your honesty. I love you so much, Dad and I stand in faith and love with you as you fight your battles.

    2 Thessalonians 3: 16 Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.

  2. Laura Cross

    Kathleen, I only remember to well those few days after you returned home and the numbers were not looking good. I, at the time, was studing the book of Luke and as only God would have it, taught me one reason Jesus had waited to return to Lazarus after he had passed away. The Jewish people believed that after three days their was absolutely , positively no hope for a miracle. Lazarus could not be brought back. Hard to imagine but there was absolutely no hope left and then Jesus returns and shows them there hope was in the wrong place. He heals Lazarus. It was a powerful demonstration for me revealed through you. I wept and rejoiced and its as fresh in my mind as if it occured just yesterday. I will be praying that you keep your eyes on Him and Who He is and trust in the results that are always for your good to conform you into the image of His Son.

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