I am a failure. I am fat, can’t take care of my home, can’t take care of my family or stay consistent as a parent. And I am pretty sure that my husband doesn’t really care about me.
Amazing how down, selfish, and sad we can get in our thinking at times. This happens to me just about every 28 days, I blame it on the hormones! It definitely got the better of me last night and my poor wonderful, loving and caring husband. I think of myself as a a pretty logical thinker, able to see through the emotions and all things girly. But there are times when circumstances out of my control, except for the fact that I am literally injecting myself with hormones, when I loose the logical part of me and go totally out of control.
So what do I do when this crisis happens?? Where do I run? You would think straight to chocolate, ice-cream or like any good Christian woman I would run to scripture. I do know one thing, more than anything scripture is the one guaranteed thing that can pull me out of what ever I am struggling with. But No! I run to my bed and cry, cry like no one has ever loved me and that I am not worthy… of anything good. This will make me feel better, right? Oh man. I was a wreck!
My mother, a very wise, loving and God fearing woman, would tell me that in this instance I should turn on some junk TV. Yup. Junk TV. This happens to be what I really need. I need to get my downward spiraling thoughts off of my life and on to some guy who is trying to sell a 15 million dollar house while trying to balance the time it takes to keep his girlfriend happy and his bangs in its most perfect spot on his forehead. Seriously. It is one of the only ways I can get by thoughts out of the most miserable places.
But there are times like while you are sitting in the Dr. office waiting to hear good or bad news, when there is no Junk TV to help. That is when I do go to Scripture. My favorite verse sits in my living room in a frame. This verse has been in my brain so much over the last few years. It has been am amazing gift from God to me to keep my thoughts where they are profitable!
This is the verse I go to when I get the early thoughts that are heading into wrong thoughts and lies. I have to focus on what God has promised. Even if I am fat I am lovely in Gods eyes, and I do know that my husband does not think of me the way that I do. 😉 And that my family is cared for, just because there is dirt on the floor and almost no clean towels does not mean I am a failure. God has had me sick to teach me a lot about me and so that Gregg can show me how much he cares for me through his service in taking care of us.
The logical part of me knows that when I get these wrong thoughts I have to cut them off at the beginning. But there are times when I give in to these thoughts. It is never a pleasant time for me or my precious husband but I do learn a lot.
I don’t know if this ever happens to you but I am sure glad that God gives us his word, our family, friends and junk TV to help us through.
To my husband… Thank You Gregg for holding me, loving me, encouraging me, serving me, and praying for me during these times. You are truly a blessing from God to me. You are my love and I am so blessed to have you by my side. I love you.