I am so very thankful that in my very abnormal life I have a God that helps me though the ups and downs with Peace and His Love. He has over and over again proven that he is trustworthy and for that I am so thankful, it makes things so much easier to get through. So here is a bit about the last month and some of those crazy ups and downs.
Gregg and I had our Embryo Transfer on Mothers day and were so excited to bring two of our babies home with us, technically in me! Everything seemed to go really well and 8 days later we did a last minute afternoon pregnancy test. We had a blood test scheduled with Dr. B for the next morning but Gregg was leaving that morning for 2 days and we couldn’t wait. Honestly i just wanted to have an idea and be able to process that with Gregg while he was still with me. We were so excited to see a very obvious faint positive! We are pregnant!!! Gregg and I held each other and cried! What an amazing moment!
The next morning Gregg left for a training trip and i went to the Dr to get the blood results. This was a very nerve racking moment for us, we knew i was pregnant but were the hcg numbers at a good level or were they going to be low and concerning that we would loose another baby. God did an amazing thing, he gave me a perfectly timed visit from my sister Debra and her youngest Berea. I can not even tell you how much of a blessing this week long trip was. Gods very very special gift.
We got the call around noon that the pregnancy test was positive officially but my hcg was low at only 20 and that they are staying “cautiously optimistic.” Oh man, I hate that term. Takes a lot of the excitement away, but for now we were celebrating! We would do a second blood test to make sure the hcg was doubling every 48 hours, showing that the baby was growing in 4 days, Saturday.
I can not tell you how much i hate waiting to hear what the blood results come back at. It is waiting to find out if life will continue or if we are loosing another baby, absolutely heartbreaking. Saturday was a great morning of fun times with Debra, Berea, Mac, Christy, Mom and I all playing outside and then the phone rang. My stomach dropped and my chest got tight. I answered and prayed I would get at least a 40 or higher, i knew the doctor would want to see at least a 80, that would be doubling every 2 days. I would be happy with the number doubling at all! My nurse told us that the number went up to 50, I was so excited!! This baby was growing! Slowly, but i did the same idea with Mac so i was happy with growth at all! But they were really unhappy with the numbers and told me that the baby is not growing enough and that we would be loosing the baby so we should stop taking the estrogen and progesterone supplements. I was so hurt and shaken. I told her that i was happy with 50 even if they were not and that I would keep taking my meds. She was surprised and asked if i wanted to go ahead and do another test on Wednesday. I agreed and got off the phone.
What a weird feeling. I talked a lot with my sister and mom about how i was feeling. I felt pregnant and was happy. And I was still pregnant but the professionals were telling me to give up, there was no hope. But I knew that God was bigger than facts. The struggle got harder and continued. Debra made sure that i kept taking pregnancy tests so that I could see my line get darker or lighter. Sure enough it contained to get darker. I knew my numbers were going up and i was still pregnant but there was a real battle in my heart and mind.
Tuesday I told Gregg that I wanted to have Dr Poliakin my OB give me his opinion and maybe do the blood draw. I really didn’t want to hear more bad news and lack of hope from my fertility clinic. I need the clinic to be a place of hope, not just bad news. Later that evening ( Tuesday) Gregg and I had to take Mac to the ER to have a scorpion sting checked out and make sure that he did not have a bad reaction. As we pull up to the ER parking I see Dr. Poliakin walking out of his office right across the walkway. I walked over quickly and got his attention. I asked him if i could ask him a question. He is so sweet, he gave me his full attention. I told him that we were pregnant and before I could continue he said “Congratulations!” and gave me a hug. So sweet. I then told him that my hcg numbers were only at 20 at my first test and then only 50 4 days later. He said ” you are fine! Hcg doubles typically every 48 to 72 hours and I was right on track. I had nothing to worry over, I was pregnant and should relax. He then told me to come see him and get the blood draw tomorrow. I was so happy that he would be the one to tell me if we were indeed loosing the baby or if there were concerns or if every thing was good. He has always been so sensitive and fights for us.
Wednesday was the day for a third blood draw and the day to take Debra and Berea back to LAX and on to their home in Canada. it was not going to be a great day or maybe a good and bad day. I wasn’t able to get my blood draw until the afternoon so I would not get the results until today (Thursday).
I got the call from Dr. Poliakin’s office while sitting with Gregg (praise the Lord). My heart dropped when they said that the dr wanted to talk to me. Dr. P asked me what my last hcg was. I told him only 50. He said “Well then you are great! your now at 235!” Gregg and I were sooo excited! The baby hcg numbers had more that doubled every 48 hours. We were pregnant! For real!! We called family and texted friends! So so so exciting! It was like finding out and telling people we were pregnant all over again. So exciting. I also called my fertility clinic to let them know the good news.
Shortly after all the calls and texts were done I got a call from my fertility clinic to tell me that they were excited and that i could schedule a ultrasound for next week. I told them that because I tend to be a bit behind I wanted to wait so that we did not have a possible bad ultrasound. If you remember i had one of those when we found out i had a healthy growing placenta but no baby so super high hcg but no baby. They said that was understandable and we could wait a few weeks if we wanted. I was happy with that. But an hour later i got a call back and they told me that they were a bit concerned because of the low numbers at first that maybe this could be an ectopic pregnancy and they want to see me Monday or Tuesday for an ultrasound to rule out the possibility.
Aghhhhhh! What are you doing God! What do you keep taking away the good news! Why does this have to be a struggle!? But it is really not a question. I know that God uses my abnormal life to show me love and teach me. I am so thankful for that and keep reminding me that my goal is to glorify the Lord and when that is my goal and not a baby, life is so much better. So much easier to experience God and His peace and see his love.
So today and especially this last week, has been a real time of faith, prayer, and recognizing lies. Overall we are so very excited and blessed by the numbers! We are having a baby!!!!!!!